Processing :)

I'm at it again. Writing, to see what the fuck.

I was watching a TV show, and there was a scene, where this young woman completely lost it, because her lover was killed. She was screaming in agony, crying and tearing at her hair, completely oblivious to the fact, that she can control it, and that there is no death.

I used to be like that. Everyone else around me still is like that. And they do not want to know about the truth, which is something that rather baffles me, still. But I should be focusing on why that is so important to me. Because I fear myself, ultimately. How is that possible? Anna explained it, but I forgot. And that's why I still go around, wishing people knew the truth. So I wouldn't have to jump through other people's mind's hoops, to get something done.

I looked at my hands intently today, for some reason... It was like a moment of clarity, of amazement, of gratitude, it was like Me bypassed the mind for a moment, and I thought of Veno, and Jack, and probably many others, who have said, that it is such an amazing thing, and just wait and see what happens, when you start deprogramming. I bet it feels something like this. It's awesome, really.

It happens every now and then. Maybe it's a routine system restart, every 3 months or so, that allows me to see it for but a moment. I like computer analogies.

I fucked up with the open letter, because I'm eager for people to know, and I fear myself. What a fucking crockery, come on... I ask myself at this point, do I really not fear death? Giving up the physical? I would not be pleased with loosing it, but I wouldn't panic either. I'd still be spiteful, if I had a short period to live, though. I like the physical, I've always appreciated it, been intrigued by it, always tried to experience it to the fullest, alone. I like being alone. Away from the lying, pretending people. Away from having to lie and pretend. Yet I do it. And it causes friction in me, because I still care what people think of me. I'm having a tough time figuring out how to present myself to people, whom I have to "use" for self-interest, like bosses and related.

And now I have to sleep. But I think I realised something while writing this. I fear myself. I really really fear myself, and I should just stop.

An open letter to all of my friends

Before you start reading this, I implore you to take half an hour of calm time to do it. Please watch the Youtube links as you go along, so you can understand what I'm actually writing about.

If you choose to not do that, you should just abandon the idea of reading this letter, and stop deluding yourself that you're my friend. This might sound a bit harsh, so let me put it another way: If I'm your friend, you will show me the respect a friend deserves, and watch the vids, to fully understand what I am talking about.

So I was bored one day, and my mind was going all psycho on me with the usual ego things the mind does. It was a general dissatisfaction, and basically it boils down to "I'm ugly and I don't have enough money". If ANY of you cannot relate, you are not my friend, but you should read this anyway.

I worked in a crappy job with a crappy boss at the time, and I felt quite shackled, really. I posted on Facebook that I want my freedom, which I was born with, back. Tanja replied with a sad invite to coffee, saying that she feels exactly the same way. We made a date, and I went on killing my time on Youtube, thinking "wouldn't it be nice if something really happened in 2012, like an awakening, or an Armaggeddon, at this point I'll take whatever you've got, Existence!"

I should mention at this point that by then I had mainly released my fear of death, because I saw this documentary on Discovery about a five year old boy, who remembered his past life. It was eerie, watching a 5yr old play and jump around, and be all childlike, while talking about his past life... It was mindblowing and awakening, and science doesn't get it. So don't even try to come up with extra justifications for what "might be happening", don't try to reason your way out of this one, because you'll fail. You won't be satisfied. If you would be, you'd be beyond help. Just check it out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cdmMEKPFDTY

So I always had a profound wish to know how life works, that's partially why I got into science. The other part was my father's influence, who, oh so, always wanted to study biology, but wasn't allowed by his parents. Therefore I completely disregarded my true natural talents, and fucked up completely. I'm really a composer by nature, music just pours out of me like diarrhea. Or like a mountain spring, whichever pitches your jiff.

Anyway, I was always intrigued by the paranormal as a child, and I read up on the subject quite a lot. These paranormal events have been scrutinized by the scientific method extensively, yet to no avail. No answer was ever satisfying.

Many of you have probably seen the movie The Secret - Law of Attraction. It is a quite commonly known secret, really. It's ye olde "What goes around, comes around". What a hoax, but not intended by the producers of the movie, really. They acted in pure faith and "love", goddamn mind-existent crockery... I implore all of you right now to take one goooood look at the world as a whole, and show me the love, and I'll show you an ice cream truck in the middle of Sahara. I'll even buy you an ice cream. Chocolate chip with almonds and curry, or whatever crazy thing they'll make up to sell as "new and fresh", although it makes no direct sense to make it. Seriously, chocolate with cayenne pepper? Do any of you fall for that shit?

Why am I mentioning the Secret? Because a participant in there intrigued me. A woman, her name is Esther Hicks, and she channels a group of beings who she calls Abraham.

A channel is a person who can, through meditation, come to a state where other beings can use it's body. Beings from the afterlife. Dimensional beings. Not necessarily just deceased humans, mind you.

Many new-age bullshitters go around training to become channels. Oh yeah, you can do that. Anyone can, if I understand correctly. But it's an ego thing, really. "Oh, look at me, I speak to the dead, look how cool I am, praise me."

The phenomena was observed by scientists. They hooked a channel up to an EEG. The channel's brain was in Delta state (remember your high school psychology, people) the whole time the channeling was happening (another being talking through the body). That, of course, is not possible, because the Delta state is the state of solid sleep, no dreams, nothing.

Of course, they never came up with a satisfying answer, so they just dropped the whole thing, and who can blame them.

Another movie I'd like to mention is What the Bleep do we know, which deals with the quantum physics plus religious perspective on reality, which is also highly limited, but an interesting thought occurred to me while watching it: no scientist in the right mind will allow himself to talk about god, or anything paranormal. I wouldn't, anyway. We're programmed that way, to fear peer criticism. A biologist, Rupert Sheldrake, dared to suggest such a thing as "morphic fields", and got stabbed at a convention in 1985 by a little hyperactive Japanese man, who was probably the guy who invented Meth. :P

But now... heheh, quantum physics is on the rise, and deals with the questions of Existence, and no one dares say a word to those guys! It cracks me up that physicists are currently the only scientists who can talk about god! It's hilarious and beautiful in it's perversity. If you observe this world a little without constant thoughts, emotions and feelings rushing through your head, you'll notice that everything in it is in reverse. Whatever you think, due to general social acceptance, like, for instance "I have no control over my mind", is actually not true. This works on all levels, and George Carlin put it so beautifully:

land of the free, home of the brave, the press is fair and impartial, justice is blind, all men are created equal, your vote is important, the United States government is on your side, the army is here to keep the peace, the police are on your side...Oh, and freedom of choice, this is the big one, the illusion of choice, we're led to feel free by the exercise of meaningless choices. There are, for instance, important things -- not too many choices, unimportant things-ice cream flavors, what do you want, we've got 31, the flavor of the week, the flavor of the month, but political parties-we're down to two, jeez.

...

Returning back to my generally dissatisfied Youtube browsing, I typed in 2012, and it comes up with such shit, you wouldn't believe. All the false prophecies are there. Of all religions. All religions are false, you must have came up with that one on your own, otherwise you're not my friend. But you should keep reading anyway :D

And then one video jumped out. This one

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0TCyAgNvDA

I implore you to watch this video, before reading on. Please.

I knew what was going on when Sunette's body (the woman in the video, and at first I thought it was a 12 year old boy) breathed in. There was a dimensional being in there who is probably going to speak about something great, yet unimportant. They usually infallibly speak of great things, but say nothing applicable, really. Pretty and totally useless. Like so many things in life.

Yet... what I heard here blew me away. It was a hard slap in my face, and it woke me up.

There were a million and one related videos from the same Youtube channel, and for the second one I chose Hitler, telling his story about his life on Earth through this woman.

I kept watching, and wondering... Is this real?

The expression on the girls face were genuine, you cannot act like that, it's not possible (if you look at it in self-honesty, without worrying what other people's opinion of your opinion will be, you'll see it).

Is it possible that she has a multiple personality disorder, and all of the personalities are people from history, and she spent most of her life brainwired to Encyclopedia Britanica?

While Hitler spoke, he came to some realisations about himself, and he cried, and that was not acted either. I started watching more... Marylin Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Jim Morrison, Curt Cobain, Albert Einstein, Nikola Tesla, Bruce Lee... the list goes on and on and on.

Here, check out the list, it's so immense, and all of these videos were created in ONE YEAR.

http://www.onegoodkitty.com/OGK-Desteni.htm

Common Sense dictates that it isn't scripted, or played, because the immensity of it all would require many many years of brainstorming to come up with material like this, and SO CONSISTENT!!! AND one would need the best actress in the world, who would have to get 40 Oscars for the acting she does.

Naturally, I was intrigued, which braindead person does not wonder about Death???

So I went to the website, and it blew me even further. The immensity of the material overwhelmed me. Hundreds of documents typed through this girl by dimensional beings, explaining how life works. All the subtle details. I just started reading, and I have a lot more to read. All of my questions about life are being answered through Common Sense. It's irrefutable.

The effects of the knowledge I gained have been extensive. I've become so much more stable in the head, I immediately recognise the origins of my thoughts, and other people's thoughts as well. Some of you seemed constantly baffled at how well I understand you... It's because I can relate!

The thing is, my dear fellow human beings, that we are all the same. We might have different programming, regarding to our environments, but we all run on the same machine code. Seriously. Why do you think mind reading takes place? Same thoughts to multiple people in groups? Come on, people, Common Sense, there is nothing paranormal about it. Yet the subtle intricacies of the workings of the human are yet to be understood by science. I've stumbled upon a better source. By pure accident.

I was reading a document on how the mind actually works, and it blew me away again, because it was so detailed, AND it explained how thoughts manifest pains and illnesses and ageing. I had a funny experience shortly after that, when I felt a sharp pain, remembered the thought I was thinking, had a hunch what it meant, checked on the forum, and I was spot on. My body was telling me I have a problem in my mind. I dealt with it, and the pain did not repeat itself. But that's really beside the point.

The point is that all humans are slaves of the mind. We react, instead of directing ourselves. And most of you aren't even aware that it doesn't have to be that way. You don't have to suffer, feel bad, worry, cause stress to your physical body, and constantly play ping pong with the mind from past to future. Really. I promise.

There are some people in my life, who were just about ready to put a halo on my head, not understanding how I can make so much sense to them and understand them. But they did it mostly out of self-deception, because my sense was Common Sense. We all run on Windows, remember? Even Macs (the artists among you :P) can run Windows now.

We are all the same, and I just chose to understand that.

So all of those knightings into the elite of intelligence and resoundingly hollow praising feel like a fools victory, really. It's Common Sense, after all, and not choosing to see that is choosing to not understand self, to remain deluded within the mind.

There is no purpose in Existence, but there is no purpose to staying within this state of mind either, thinking we have no control, reacting instead of directing ourselves, blissfully ignorantly contributing our own little percentage to the mess in the world. Everyone is equally responsible for what's happening globally, and I'm not talking global warming, I'm talking rape, war, murder, hunger, poverty, child abuse, Britney Spears, Barrack Obama, those kind of things. We choose to "give our power away" to the feeling of helplessness with various justifications, because we're seemingly ill-equipped to deal with reality.

Reality cannot be changed, because there is a whole planet of beings who have their own realities in their heads.

It won't change until the human robot realises it's programming, and starts stopping it.

We do have control. It's quite beautiful.

Man, know thyself!

http://desteni.co.za/

Arrgh, my settings are in Slovenian!

I "always" thought it'd be a good idea for English to become the only language, since it's so simple and specific.

So this is my first step in writing myself to freedom.

It's about time I stop harassing my friends and family with endlessly long mails about how wrong the world is, as I know I have ultimately been writing to myself.

I just remembered a friend who was abusing me on the phone for endless hours for the same therapeutic reasons... I allowed myself to listen to her describing her whole day in detail, so she would feel better. I was so proud of our friendship, although she was a backstabber, like we all are, more or less. I wanted to be like her, because she represented something that I was not, pretty much the only reason for wanting a relationship with someone. I have transcended that friendship a while ago, albeit through ego, but now when we see each other I try to support her with information that helped me in the beginning of process, adjusted to what I know of her own experience of the world to be.

My only advice to people is to stop the mind and focus on the breath, the first thing that worked for me, because it literally restarted me, when I had an overload.

But then I start wanting to explain the massive amount of knowledge I have gathered, and try to make it sensible to the indoctrinated one that I'm speaking to, and in that I fuck with myself.

I've had this reluctant messiah complex for years... I've always wondered about the points of unfairness in the world, and I always tried to help other people instead of focusing on myself. Because I wanted to be helped and saved, outendly. But no one will help and save me, I will have to stand up from within this literal fuck up I have accepted and allowed in this life.

I have been self-dishonest to the point of being nowhere even in the System...

I've allowed myself to disregard my primary talent, which is music, as a calling. I played the violin, and I always thought I wasn't good enough, and I wasn't that good, to tell the real honest truth :) Although my mother told me recently that my father, who was a violin professor, had a high opinion of me. But he never told me. I have good hearing, and I played well, but I was too lazy to develop any 'concert master' skill. I gave up in puberty/adolescence, when my mind was going particularly hysterical due to the situation in the family. Alcohol, cheating, screaming, financial instability... "and more!" (TV advertisement voice)

My father was into science fiction and inspired me through life to become a scientist. But I was never -that- good at math, and when combined with my laziness/focusing on others, it manifested my failing to finish my Microbiology studies. The subject did interest me though, and now I can accept info from Veno a whole lot easier than I ever expected to, because it makes sense even in my biological training terms :)

So this is the surface... I'll go in more depth later.