Wednesday, 25 November 2009

want, need, require more!

WHAT IS IT that we are looking for? What is it, that makes us unhappy, and makes us want ever more, even though we have everything? Personally, I have a roof over my head, a big bed, two computers and a connection to the internet, yet I always want more... more of what? Money. Why money? Because money buys everything. Yes, even love.
But what is that thing that we are REALLY looking to buy with all that money?

Recognition. We crave, need, breathe, eat, live off recognition. If there was no one around to recognise us, boy, we'd be in trouble. That is why we are called "social beings".

There is an interesting phenomenon in humanity, amongst women especially. We cannot stand to be alone for too long. We need human interaction. Why? Because someone is giving us recognition. Why do we value ourselves according to how many friends we have? This is interesting to observe with facebook these days; people are so proud to say "I have 200+ friends on facebook"

If we observe ourselves in groups of more than 2 people, we tend to think fast, to come up with the most impressive thought, that will redirect the attention to us.

Why do we all deep down envy celebrities? Because they get all of world's recognition at once. Oh, imagine the enjoyment of that. We envy, and we get spiteful, and then hateful. Because, deep down, every single human being wants that kind of recognition. But because we don't have it, we watch the celebrities fight amongst themselves for even more recognition! Is this fucked up, or what?

Thing is, the celebrities are not happy either. Even though they have all the recognition they want, and more. To the point of suffocation, really. Yet they are not happy, evidently. Why is this?

I have mentioned several times before, that no one can give us, what we need, if we cannot give it to ourselves.

What each and every human, within humanity as a whole, has never had, is self-recognition. No one in this world actually recognises self.

What do I mean? From the time we were born, we were bombarded by knowledge. At first it didn't matter, because we were not talking. We were communicating with sounds, and we were learning the basic physical laws of our bodies through dropping things, falling, walking, tripping, screaming, and so on. Our bodies learnt this automatically, there is no mind involved in the process of walking.

The problem became when the information started seeping in through words of our parents, who made us do the things THEY wanted us to do, not necessarily regarding us in the process. Thus they programmed us to behave in their way, trust only their judgement, and we never learned to trust ourselves. So, in essence, we don't know ourselves. We do not recognise ourselves. What in our thoughts did not at some point originate from an outside source? Virtually nothing. We did not really direct ourselves since the time we began to speak, around age 2. Since then we have been reacting to information from our parents and surroundings; in that developing a personality, which is nothing more than a bundle of reactions to information, unaware of self. We were conditioned to fit society, so we wouldn't stray. Because, if we didn't, each and every single one of us would have strayed in self-honesty. But we were forced to follow certain paths, and in that had to allow self-dishonesty in our lives, in order to survive. Hence all the battling with parents.

So, in essence, we have never really applied our self. Someone else always applied it for us. Hence all the teaching and conditioning we had to go through. So we could be applied.

Hasn't it been enough? I'm tired of being an application, really. I'm tired of having to serve in order to survive. I'm tired of everyone having to serve in order to survive. Service is the point of our existence. We are but automated programs. Not perceiving ourselves as such, but do you think that Google knows it's an application that supports the whole world?

The programming is our mind, conditioned in such a way to never be able to trust ourselves but always seek recognition from outside. It is time to stop this madness, and breathe.

Till here, no further!

Sunday, 22 November 2009

the relationship mayonnaise

I'm going to be writing about relationships and honesty, and how, in this world, the two are like oil and water. They do not mix. You can try and force them into an emulsion physically, but with time that emulsion will go bad and the substances will separate again. Just like ANY relationship in current time.

The thing is, people are becoming more aware of some kind of autonomy over themselves. People are starting to act more in accordance with the "living in the moment" paradigm, rather than the old-fashioned "think about tomorrow" one. Why? Because the former allows more self-honesty. This is also a direct consequence of the current economy, that does not allow young people to be able to think ahead, because thinking ahead means enslaving oneself through debt, to work for 40 years, just to be able to afford a very modest home. This, combined with the Internet, and limitless access to virtually all knowledge, makes people reluctant to engage in the established social paradigms. They are starting to think for themselves, and reality is starting to tear at the seams, because the social systems are facing humanity's self-honesty, and shit is hitting the fan.

More honesty with self. What am I talking about?

I recently had a friend tell me that he had a dream about me, and that it freaked him out. I had three friends tell me that they had dreams about me, but that's beside the point, really. The info is just for non-freaking out purposes by certain people, who might be reading this. Moving on.

Dreams are really point-specific, if one pays attention. It's the shit that surfaces from the subconscious mind during sleep. That means that, even if we don't think about something during waking time, it is still there, in the subconscious. And if it represents a problem, it surfaces in dreams. We really suppress much shit, to be able to survive in the social systems.

This friend's dream was indicating some point of dishonesty to self. He has a girlfriend, so it would be seen as "bad" by society, if he started having thoughts about anyone else, than his girlfriend. And in his conscious mind he doesn't, but his subconscious mind doesn't like that. So it does it in his dreams. Why did it freak him out? Because deep down he knows, what the dream means. And he doesn't want to go there. And that, my dear friends, is self-dishonesty right there, readily accepted and allowed. Ready to make some mayhem in the mind, when the opportunity arises.

I'll give another, more powerful example. I was in a relationship for almost 10 years. Around 2 years into it, I started feeling restless. Around 4 years, I knew what it was, that I was restless about. I was attracted to other guys, and had to lie about it to my boyfriend, because I loved him. At that point I tried to lie to myself, to be self-dishonest, but I couldn't. I proposed an open relationship, and the guy freaked. So I kept on going and going and going, making myself more and more miserable, because I was afraid of loosing him. I was self-dishonest to the core. I accepted being in a relationship, that did not fulfill me, because I was afraid of being alone. Why was I afraid of being alone? Because, if he left, there'd be no one, to give me reassurance on my insecurities, that have roots in my childhood. The funny part is, that he never could give me enough reassurances, and I was always looking for more, which always lead to arguing and fighting. Many years later I realised how unfair it is, to be asking that of someone, and how relationships are a fuckup, essentially, because there can exist no HONESTY within them. Unfortunately, no one really realises this, because all these processes take place on a subconscious level. BUT... it is possible to get to know one's own subcoscious, I am living proof for that. Makes life a whole lot easier, too, and all it takes is asking the question: "why am I doing/thinking/feeling this?"

If everybody did that, whoa, the world would be a better place.

So, my dear friends, relationships cannot coexist with honesty, because entering a relationship has a dishonest starting point alltogether. It is validating oneself through another, and it never works, we are never happy in relationships. Because, ultimately, no one can give us, what we cannot give ourselves.

There is an alternative to this: agreements. Two people enter an agreement in full honesty that they do not know what the future might bring, but they will support each other whatever it might be, and not have to lie about what is going on. It only works in self-honesty from both parties though, so it's not as 123 as it sounds. Needs a lot of working on oneself. Knowing oneself. Otherwise you just end up torturing the poor being like in a relationship.

We have allowed much shit within our own minds by bending ourselves to systems that are inherently abusive of life. And by that we have allowed abuse of life itself. It manifests as 6000 hungry children dying each day in India, and 1 000 000 000 people going hungry this year. That's ONE BILLION, in case you were too lazy to count the zeros. Each and every single one of us allowed this. How? By living in our tiny worlds, limited to only ourself and those around us, lost within our minds, and reacting to every useless thought that comes up.

I have distanced myself from all this a little, and now I look at people. They seem like programmed robots. I know exactly how they will react to a specific situation. Like zombies, really...
Lost in relationships, and senseless spending of money, looking for that "something", a way to release from the undefinable restlessness inside... That "something", which they will never find, because relationships and money lead them away from it.
It takes a look inwards to find it. And once you do... you don't need relationships and money (not as much as before, anyway) :D It's a funny world.

This is not necessary. We can change this, really. Each and every one for ourself. Just know yourself. Nike. -> May it lie among the ashes of consumerism, as a monument on the grave of consciousness, fertilising a new world of awareness. Cheers.