Sunday, 22 November 2009

the relationship mayonnaise

I'm going to be writing about relationships and honesty, and how, in this world, the two are like oil and water. They do not mix. You can try and force them into an emulsion physically, but with time that emulsion will go bad and the substances will separate again. Just like ANY relationship in current time.

The thing is, people are becoming more aware of some kind of autonomy over themselves. People are starting to act more in accordance with the "living in the moment" paradigm, rather than the old-fashioned "think about tomorrow" one. Why? Because the former allows more self-honesty. This is also a direct consequence of the current economy, that does not allow young people to be able to think ahead, because thinking ahead means enslaving oneself through debt, to work for 40 years, just to be able to afford a very modest home. This, combined with the Internet, and limitless access to virtually all knowledge, makes people reluctant to engage in the established social paradigms. They are starting to think for themselves, and reality is starting to tear at the seams, because the social systems are facing humanity's self-honesty, and shit is hitting the fan.

More honesty with self. What am I talking about?

I recently had a friend tell me that he had a dream about me, and that it freaked him out. I had three friends tell me that they had dreams about me, but that's beside the point, really. The info is just for non-freaking out purposes by certain people, who might be reading this. Moving on.

Dreams are really point-specific, if one pays attention. It's the shit that surfaces from the subconscious mind during sleep. That means that, even if we don't think about something during waking time, it is still there, in the subconscious. And if it represents a problem, it surfaces in dreams. We really suppress much shit, to be able to survive in the social systems.

This friend's dream was indicating some point of dishonesty to self. He has a girlfriend, so it would be seen as "bad" by society, if he started having thoughts about anyone else, than his girlfriend. And in his conscious mind he doesn't, but his subconscious mind doesn't like that. So it does it in his dreams. Why did it freak him out? Because deep down he knows, what the dream means. And he doesn't want to go there. And that, my dear friends, is self-dishonesty right there, readily accepted and allowed. Ready to make some mayhem in the mind, when the opportunity arises.

I'll give another, more powerful example. I was in a relationship for almost 10 years. Around 2 years into it, I started feeling restless. Around 4 years, I knew what it was, that I was restless about. I was attracted to other guys, and had to lie about it to my boyfriend, because I loved him. At that point I tried to lie to myself, to be self-dishonest, but I couldn't. I proposed an open relationship, and the guy freaked. So I kept on going and going and going, making myself more and more miserable, because I was afraid of loosing him. I was self-dishonest to the core. I accepted being in a relationship, that did not fulfill me, because I was afraid of being alone. Why was I afraid of being alone? Because, if he left, there'd be no one, to give me reassurance on my insecurities, that have roots in my childhood. The funny part is, that he never could give me enough reassurances, and I was always looking for more, which always lead to arguing and fighting. Many years later I realised how unfair it is, to be asking that of someone, and how relationships are a fuckup, essentially, because there can exist no HONESTY within them. Unfortunately, no one really realises this, because all these processes take place on a subconscious level. BUT... it is possible to get to know one's own subcoscious, I am living proof for that. Makes life a whole lot easier, too, and all it takes is asking the question: "why am I doing/thinking/feeling this?"

If everybody did that, whoa, the world would be a better place.

So, my dear friends, relationships cannot coexist with honesty, because entering a relationship has a dishonest starting point alltogether. It is validating oneself through another, and it never works, we are never happy in relationships. Because, ultimately, no one can give us, what we cannot give ourselves.

There is an alternative to this: agreements. Two people enter an agreement in full honesty that they do not know what the future might bring, but they will support each other whatever it might be, and not have to lie about what is going on. It only works in self-honesty from both parties though, so it's not as 123 as it sounds. Needs a lot of working on oneself. Knowing oneself. Otherwise you just end up torturing the poor being like in a relationship.

We have allowed much shit within our own minds by bending ourselves to systems that are inherently abusive of life. And by that we have allowed abuse of life itself. It manifests as 6000 hungry children dying each day in India, and 1 000 000 000 people going hungry this year. That's ONE BILLION, in case you were too lazy to count the zeros. Each and every single one of us allowed this. How? By living in our tiny worlds, limited to only ourself and those around us, lost within our minds, and reacting to every useless thought that comes up.

I have distanced myself from all this a little, and now I look at people. They seem like programmed robots. I know exactly how they will react to a specific situation. Like zombies, really...
Lost in relationships, and senseless spending of money, looking for that "something", a way to release from the undefinable restlessness inside... That "something", which they will never find, because relationships and money lead them away from it.
It takes a look inwards to find it. And once you do... you don't need relationships and money (not as much as before, anyway) :D It's a funny world.

This is not necessary. We can change this, really. Each and every one for ourself. Just know yourself. Nike. -> May it lie among the ashes of consumerism, as a monument on the grave of consciousness, fertilising a new world of awareness. Cheers.


  1. Excellent points and excellent blog.I can;t wait to see more!

  2. thanks for sharing, cool blog